Two Little Soccer Players

FINALLY little Daners is old enough to play soccer and he feels like the biggest boy EVER!!! So cute! This has been such a long awaited day for Dane and it finally has arrived! He did a great job, considering he only has 4 players on his team and 1 won't play so he has to play the entire game. Even though this is Fall season, it is still 100+ here, which makes playing soccer for a 3 year old a little challenging. It is very challenging for us to just watch them play in this crazy heat! It should cool down soon and I am sure he will play much better   then. For now, he goes in spurts. He will run really hard and them someone will take the ball from him and he  would get mad and start crying and shut down. It will take some time, but he will get the hang of it:) He actually scored 3 goals during his second game! Sometimes we have to bribe him with gas station treats or bubbles to keep him motivated, but he is having fun with it and LOVES being big!!!

Logi Bugs started his 7th season with flying colors! He loves his team and coaches and loves to play soccer! He is running so fast now and is very aggressive with stealing the ball from the other team. He is strong suit is defense and offensively will score 1 or 2 goals each game. His team is getting really good and they all work so well together. We will try to keep him on this team as long as Logi still wants to play. The older he gets, the more fun his games are to watch. He is quite the little athlete and social butterfly:) He is friends with everyone on his team and quite often gets in trouble by his coaches for chatting too much with his team mates in the middle of the game. They love to talk about the score and to celebrate after they score goals. He loses focus a bit, but easily gets his head back in the game and plays hard. After each game, his face gets so red and flushed from running so hard and from the dang heat!

We are so proud of our little soccer players! Way to go boys! We love you both so much!

How Can Beau Already be 18 Months!?!

Seriously, I am having a REALLY hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that my baby is 18 months and I am not pregnant again! This is a first! We decided to wait longer this time to give ourselves a moment to breathe, but I must admit as crazy as it sounds, I feel VERY weird waiting this long! I know that the time we are waiting is considered short to most sane people, but I am a creature of habit and this is out of my routine. We won't be waiting much longer, even though life seems so crazy and abnormal now with Jen's cancer, we still feel the answer to our prayers is that "it's time" regardless of everything else going on. However, this break between babies has given us invaluable time to gush over baby Beau Beau more than ever! Beau Bugs is such a joyful, sweet-natured, silly goose! We so adore him and are loving every minute of watching him grow and discover the world.

Now that Beau Bugs is 18 months, we is able to go to the long awaited NURSERY!!! YES! As sweet as he is, he is a terror at church! Sacrament meeting brings out the crazy in our little guy and we are thankful that he    is able to burn off some energy in nursery. On his first day, he ran into nursery with glee and never turned back! He LOVED it! Ben and I kept peeking through the window waiting for him to cry, but he was having a ball! The second time didn't go as well, but with his lovey blankie in tow and there for a comfort cuddle whenever needed, he made it through with just a couple tears:) Now he is a nursery pro and thank goodness! We were ready for a much needed 2 hour break after manning the 3 VERY busy boys in sacrament!

Beau Beau is still very much in love with his binkie and blankie. We will be hopefully getting rid of the binkie in the next month or so, but I foresee Beau Bugs cuddling with his blankie at college:) He also loves to dance! Anytime he hears music, he busts out the moves and giggles with glee! He also loves: playing outside, apple sauce, fries, green beans, tomato soup, rolls, dipping anything in any kind of sauce especially ketchup, still loves rice cereal, blowing kisses, watching "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse," teasing Rylee...much to my dismay...this is the Daners in him, playing with cars, reading books, singing "Rock-a-Bye Your Bear" and doing the actions, water and milk...no juice, blowing kisses, being crazy silly with brothers and cousins. Favorite word is "mine" just like the seagulls on "Finding Nemo." He is such a boy through and through!

Beau Beau was a dream delivery, a dream baby, and is a SPUNKY toddler! He is so dang sweet, but definitely is getting that Daner's flare! He really is such a mix of Logan and Dane, but unique and so special in  his own way. We adore this little guy so much and love to watch him be silly and watch him sleep. He is getting SO big and is SO sweet and adorable! As baby hungry as I may be getting, I am cherishing every minute of my baby even though he is now almost out of the baby days. He will always be my baby just like Dane and Logan will be as well. We so love our Beau Bugs!!!

Here are his 18 month appointment stats:

• Weight: 22.5 lbs (26%)...he is my skinny, dainty baby boy:)
• Height: 32 in (65%)
• Head: 19 in (58%)

Details of Jen's Surgery and Pathology Results in Her Own Words

The Big Day

How are you supposed to act the day before brain surgery?  The surgeon's office sends you a packet filled with information on what to pack, what to eat or not eat and forms to fill out.  I decided to treat the day before my surgery like any other day.  If you haven't already noticed it about me--I like it when things are "normal."  I like routine, order and knowing what to expect.  Whenever things are not "normal" I try to get them back there as a soon as possible.  On the day before my surgery, I did the laundry.  It was a good activity that filled most of my day.  I also fielded literally hundreds of phone calls, texts, emails, messages and visits from many of you with me and my surgery day on your minds--thank you.

The night before my surgery, I received a priesthood blessing from a dear friend, while my husband, my father and several close friends stood in the circle.  The weight of their hands on my head coupled with the presence of the Spirit in my living room was so thick it was almost palpable.  My Heavenly Father knew I was going into surgery Wednesday morning.  He knew I was scared, He knew what I needed to hear and He was there to comfort me.  Tears stream down my face and my heart burns as I type these words--I know my Heavenly Father loves me.  I know that everything is going to be okay because I know this.  I am a very blessed girl.

I did not sleep much Tuesday night--not because I couldn't, but because I didn't try.  I should have tried, though, because when I laid down at 2:21am, it felt like one minute had passed before my alarm went off at 4:25 am.

Matt, Jess, Julie and I were in the car at 4:45am headed for Phoenix.  I checked into St. Joseph's Hospital and was sent back to pre-op.  I was alone for a minute while I changed and had a chance to think and pray.  I kept thinking how unreal most of this felt although, I guess I don't know what I should expect to feel right before a surgery of this magnitude.

A nurse came in and gave me an IV--best one I'd ever had too!  I told her so! :)  Score!  It's the little things that keep me jazzed which is a good thing, I guess you could say.

Everyone I met was SO nice.  Warm and caring.  I felt very comfortable and knew I was in the right place.  Dr. Nakaji came around the corner to say hello--my heart skipped a beat :).  Every time I see him, I am so comforted.  He said he was ready to go and knew everything was going to go really well.

My anesthesiologist comes in and I love him from the start--a friend of a friend and the best of the best at "Barrow"--I knew I was in good hands.  We laughed and talked until I said my goodbye's to Matt, my sister's and my dad.  The next thing I knew was I was in recovery trying to explain to Matt and Jess that I felt like I was laying on a yellow lego :).  I'm a light weight in every sense of the word and get pretty "high" when I 'm drugged up :).

They moved me to the ICU and then to a recovery room the following day.  It's all a bit of a blur.  I know I felt pretty much every emotion you can feel though.  I know my family and close friends have too.  Even though, deep down, I know its all going to be alright, I have felt hopelessness.  I have been scared, I have felt angry.

Thursday (the day after surgery) was hard.  I think the worst feelings were felt on this day.  That night my sweet Bishop and his counselors showed up at my hospital room door telling me that he knew he had to come to see me tonight and offered to give me a blessing of comfort.  Heavenly Father sent my Bishop to me that night.  The blessing he gave me told me that my mom was with me and that she was of more help to me as an angel than if she was to still be alive.  Oh my, I needed to hear that.  How comforted I felt and still feel to know that.  My mom was with me.  Bishop Conway's blessing helped me immensely.  I was able to sleep peacefully that night.

Pathology results came in Friday morning: Grade 3 Astrocytoma.  Yes, the tumor is cancerous.  I have cancer.


I have cancer.


Not sure if this has really sunk in yet--maybe it never will.


I have cancer.


 Something I can grasp onto is the plan of action...in 1-2 weeks I will begin 5 days straight of radiation for 5 weeks followed by a one month break.  Also 5 days of the chemo pill a month.  Routine MRI's to make sure the tumor does not grow or change.

Post-op MRI results also show that Dr. Nakaji got all of the tumor he could have possibly gotten (90%) without permanently affecting my motor skills.  They are affected though.  I have weakness in my left hand and it doesn't do exactly what my brain tells it to do.  Typing is hard, opening a pill bottle is hard, reaching for something, walking down the stairs or holding a glass is hard, BUT it is all worth it to be here.  I'm frustrated, I'm struggling, but I am battling.  I will not give up.  The battle has just begun and me and my sweet little family are carefully picking up the pieces and putting ourselves back together.

My sweet babies who bring so much joy to my life.  My sweet husband who I couldn't possibly love anymore than I do at this moment.  We are trying to figure out this new journey and will do it together.  Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers--they are needed and they mean so much.

Right before Jen's surgery